Dealing with Rejection

Matters of the Heart Series

Part 1: Dealing with Rejection

Rejection is one of those things we all have to deal with at some point in our lives

and regardless of the circumstances and the very different ways rejection can

present in itself, it has the ability to affect the very core of our being.

‘Guard your heart’, a saying many of us are familiar with, but not quite sure how to

practically do, especially when it comes to dealing with rejection. Rejection seems to

have a way of being able to tear down the most confident of people and damage the

self-esteem of the most self-assured.

So, how do we practically guard our hearts and bounce back when we have

experienced rejection?

1. Know yourself, who you are, and what you have to offer

This could be in regards to friendships, relationships, jobs and various opportunities.

When I mean know yourself, I don’t mean your favourite colour and brands you like

to wear; I mean asking yourself the tough questions like: What qualities do I have?

What are my strengths and weaknesses? What makes me unique? What value do I

bring? What do I need to work on? What do I possibly need to change? What makes

me great? Not only why would I be wanted, but why would I be needed?

The reality is, with the busyness of life many of us don’t often take the time we need

to self-reflect and build on our self-awareness. We know the basics of ourselves

such as our likes and dislikes, but, when it comes to writing down and listing out the

answers to some of the questions above, we can often struggle to really know who

we are, and what we have to offer?

I realised in the time I took to self-reflect and ‘get to know me’, I had rejected parts of

who I am, long before anyone else did! It was a tough realisation that I had to take

time to process and work through to get to a place where I now fully accept myself.

Thought: If we reject ourselves why do we expect others to accept us?

When we have a core understanding of ourselves the sting of rejection is only but

temporary, regardless of the capacity we experience it in.  We learn to deal with

rejection within its confined situation rather than allowing it to affect every area of our

lives and shatter our self-esteem.

2. Get in your feelings, just don’t stay there!

Let’s not sugar coat it, rejection hurts no matter what form it’s in. So it is important

we give ourselves the space and time to process our thoughts, feelings, and

emotions when we have experienced rejection. Sometimes we have to teach

ourselves how to deal with difficult emotions and face them head on rather than

suppressing them and having unhealthy emotional responses later on down the line.

It is essential we take note of how we feel and we give those emotions the space

and time to be expressed safely.

We all process and express our thoughts, feelings and emotions differently, for

example, some may like to get their thoughts on to paper and write in journals or

speak into an audible journal, others may pray, meditate, talk to a counsellor or use

things such as art, music, or exercise as a healthy way to process and express what

they are feeling.

Reflection: What is your safe place? What is your go to that helps you process those

tough feelings such as rejection?

 If you don’t already know, take the time to find out!

3. Build yourself back up

Like I said, get in your feelings, just don’t stay there! I used to love watching ‘Being

Mary Jane’ when she would talk to herself in the mirror and have loads of post-it

notes of affirmations all over her bathroom that she would read as she’s brushing her

teeth. Some may find it super cheesy, but its personal don’t nobody need to know!

This however, is a great way to build back up your self-esteem. Find quotes that

inspire you, affirmations that really speak to you, scriptures or religious texts that

remind you of your God given purpose and who you were created to be. After

experiencing rejection these reminders are so helpful in ensuring we bounce back

healed, happy and whole.

Like I said in the beginning, rejection is something we all have to walk through at

some point in our lives but instead of it having lasting negative effects on us, I hope

these steps show you how to practically guard your heart and bounce back from it

stronger than before!